If you’ve ever shared a bed through someone you’re attracted to and kept your clothing on, climate congratulations – you’ve just had a platonic sleepover. There to be no sex, but it wasn’t just nothing either. So can it be taken into consideration as a hook up?

It was a non-hook up that she didn’t see coming. Emily* to be on vacation and also decided to meet a male friend who occurred to be staying in the city. Castle met up for dinner, complied with by a few drinks at the bar. Climate it started putting and, in a bid to remain dry, she friend argued continuing the night end at his apartment, i beg your pardon was just a 10-minute drive away. Even though the both that them were in committed relationships, she agreed.

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After the saturday drink, they satellite a little closer to each other on the couch. After trading some personal stories and also some extreme eye contact, lock suddenly found themselves in his bedroom. And that’s when it struggle her.

“We can’t do this.” “Yeah, we really shouldn’t.” “I’m so tired. And also drunk.” “Let’s simply go to sleep.”

Emily wake up up in the morning, a small confused but also assured by the reality that all they did to be “just sleep”, albeit on the same bed however hey, these space liberal times we’re living in and also the line wasn’t overcome (read: no sex). But… was it yes, really as innocent as the seemed?

The great platonic debate


Don’t it is in fooled by the word “platonic” – that just way nothing physical happened, including kissing and also sex. In ~ the end of the day, if you got into bed with someone you’re attractive to, possibilities are that still way something, even if girlfriend did nothing yet sleep side by side.

“Sharing a bed is psychologically intimate, together it’s a very an individual space. It’s an individual partly because of the lull of physics contact, and the opportunity of sex-related relations,” says Dr Norman Li, Lee Kong Chian Fellow and also Associate Professor the Psychology in ~ Singapore management University.

And if we’re on the subject of platonic friendships, there are two schools of believed on this. One is the there can be true friendship between two heterosexual members of the contrary sex; and also the other, that some type of sexual attraction will always be at play throughout the friendship. An oft-quoted part from cult rom-com once Harry Met Sally is when Harry says: “No man have the right to be friends through a mrs he find attractive. He constantly wants to have sex through her.” yet just just how true is this, really?

Well, to a specific extent, follow to science. In a 2012 document titled “Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship” published in the newspaper of social and personal Relationships, a group of researchers from the college of Wisconsin-Eau Claire studied 88 pairs of opposite-sex friends. They discovered out that the men in these opposite-sex friendships have tendency to feel an ext attracted to their female friends, contrasted to the level that attraction their female friends felt towards them.

“Sexual attraction theatre a far-ranging role in the formation of heterosexual, opposite-sex friendships. Typically, one human being is attractive to an additional but the other is not as attracted ,” explains Dr Norman. “Friendships deserve to be truly platonic on occasion, but there’s usually some attraction dynamic involved, often lurking behind the friendship,” the adds. In other words, you deserve to delude yourself right into thinking the sleepover did you do it just had was purely platonic, yet there’s no denying that some feelings were associated from one, if not both, parties.

Now what?


So you’ve excellent the deed and also you’re wondering if friend should even talk around it. If you’re single, you need to look at how it occurred. Has actually there been tension in between the both of you? have you 2 been flirting for part time now and that to be the following step to test the waters? Or to be this event unintentional? take into consideration these, then ask you yourself if it’s worth sitting the man down for a talk. However, you’ll require to regulate your expectation if you have feelings for him. “There is no guarantee that this guy can want to go further with you,” states Cindy Leong, chef dating and also relationship coach at divine Connect.

And if you’re attached, that perfectly regular to feel very conflicted around the entirety situation. Among the an initial questions you’ll uncover yourself asking is, go this count as cheating?

“It really depends on what you define as cheating,” states Cindy. “To some, emotional involvement is cheating, while to others, it’s physics involvement.” The following step is the difficult part: comes clean come your existing boyfriend. It might not be the most pleasant experience, but take heart in knowing that a) the the ideal thing to do and b) things take place for a reason, and this incident might force the two of you to talk about problems in the connection you’ve been avoiding.

“In any kind of case, learning to respect the feel of your partner is important,” Cindy adds.

As for Emily, she determined that something she feeling compelled to hide from her partner constitutes together cheating, and she cure the occurrence as such. However this is purely anecdotal and different human being will attend to the same instance in various ways.

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As because that whether the platonic sleepover will be the newfangled form of hooking up, we’ll just have to wait and also see.