You"ve found yourself in a situation where you"re "the other woman." The man you"re seeing either has a committed girlfriend, a wife, and maybe even a whole other family that you"re not a part of. Or, perhaps a man who was in a relationship with someone else has fallen in love with you and given up everything he knew to be with you. No matter the situation, it"s not typical of how relationships start and it"s certainly not always easy. Still, there are benefits that come from being the other woman. Although it"s not always apparent to people who"ve never been the "other woman" or even apparent to you all the time, those of us who have been the other woman know just how special our connections with the men we fall in love with and find ourselves in relationships with can be. Read below to find out fifteen advantages of being the other woman.
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Sure, you feel some loyalty to him. If you"re in love with him, you"ve told him. If it"s simply physical or just "fun," you"ve made that clear. And, of course, it"s not always easy to know that he might never leave his wife or his partner for you... but at least you know that. You"re not an idiot. Therefore, you know it"s important that you maintain your independence. You don"t allow yourself to put all your eggs in one basket. Instead, you do what makes you happy and always make your needs a priority. If you want to go out with your friends, you do it without asking his permission. If someone asks you on a date, you accept the offer guilt free. With him, you have the benefit of having that special person that you love spending your time with while also being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want.
14 You"re Spoiled Rotten
Depending on what type of man he is or where he is at in his life, he will most likely spoil you rotten, especially if he"s bought into the whole stereotype of what "having a mistress" is supposed to be like. Because his time with you is limited and he knows that it is not always easy for you to know that he"s with someone else, he"ll always make an effort to go above and beyond when it comes to appreciating you. He may have flowers randomly delivered to your house to let you know you"re on his mind. He"ll plan romantic getaways just so the two of you can "escape the real world," together. He"ll spoil you with gifts, fancy dinners, and expensive wine. He"ll do whatever he can to keep you happy to make up for the ways in which he falls short and never take you for granted.
We"ve all been in serious relationships at some point in our lives. You fall in love with someone. Everything seems perfect so after a year or so, you move in together. Then, another year passes... and another... and soon enough, you realize, you"ve become less like lovers and more like best friends. Although it can be great depending on the type of person you are, there"s no mystery left between the two of you as you know each other inside and out. When you"re the other woman, this never happens. Because your time with him will be limited and because he most likely won"t want to spend all his time talking about his "other life" away from you, there will always be a bit left up to the imagination. You"ll never get "lazy" or "too comfortable" in the relationship. Instead, you"ll enjoy not knowing different sides or each other and learning something new about one another every time you"re together.
12 You Can Do Whatever You Want
You do not want to settle down and move to the suburbs someday? No, problem. He won"t ever ask you to even move in with him. You do not want to have three children and spend your life being a stay at home mother instead of a flourishing career? That is great! He doesn"t want you to have his children either or give up anything for him. You want to do whatever you want whenever you want without having to answer to anyone? Perfect. He won"t ever make you. You like having someone to spend your time with but enjoy your alone time more? Even better. He"ll only be able to spend a fraction of his time with you. Hate the idea of having a joint bank account or being forced to invest money you"d rather invest on a vacation? Awesome. He doesn"t ever need to know anything about your financials.
You have been in relationships with other men before. They get comfortable with you, fall in love with you, and then start demanding you to "fix" all of their problems. In a way, it is almost as if all of their baggage becomes all of your baggage and you feel a certain pressure to make them happy. Why? Because you love them and you have committed to doing that. However, when you are the mistress, you don"t feel the pressure to sooth all of his insecurities or even listen to him complain and moan about the stresses in his life. What"s better? He understands that it is not your job and would never even think of unloading on you. Instead, you just enjoy the time you have with him and he does the same. After all, he has another woman that can take care of his problems. It"s not your responsibility at all.
10 You Won"t Get Used To Him Fixing Yours
Just as you don"t have to take care of his problems, he also doesn"t have to take care of yours. We know what you"re thinking: That sucks. It"s true, we all want someone to lighten our load from time to time. However, when we have that, we tend to get used to it. What"s wrong with that? Well, first of all, it makes us a bit less independent than we were when we were single. Second of all, we forget how to take care of things on our own. Finally, it makes us feel trapped in relationships. For example, if you get so comfortable with someone, you may fear that you won"t be able to exist without them. Therefore, you may stay in the relationship even though you know in the back of your head that you"d be way better off either alone or with someone else. With him, this is never the case. You know you can get out whenever you want and that you"d be totally fine on your own.
When you"re with him, he makes you forget about the rest of the world because he"s so involved in what"s going on with you and spending time with you. When you"re upset, you think about how much fun you have with him. If you"ve had a hard day at work, you call him on your lunch break and he cheers you up. When you"re feeling lonely, you look forward to seeing him again. When you"re bored, you daydream about the great passion the two of you have and fantasize about the fun you"re going to have in the future. If you"re feeling down, he surprises you with flowers or a nice gift. If you"re feeling insecure, you remember how much he worships you. He"s like that amazing secret that only the two of you know about. You get excited just thinking about him and know he"s probably doing the same.
8 He"s Not A Distraction
Just as he"s a great distraction when you"re in need of a mood swing, he"s also not a massive, life altering distraction. Let"s be honest. Sometimes, when we get into serious, committed relationships, we have a tendency to put our partner"s wants and needs in front of our own. If we have goals, we fall short in reaching them because we"re so preoccupied with the man in our life. We slip up at work, let ourselves get lazy when it comes to taking care of ourselves, and put way too much time and energy in all the wrong places. When you"re the mistress, however, this doesn"t happen. You don"t race home from work to be with him. You don"t skip the gym, order a pizza and just spend the night watching movies together. You don"t let your goals slip away. Instead, you continue to do everything you would be doing if you were making yourself the number one priority in your life.
If he has a wife, he"s playing with fire to be with you. After all, if she found out, he could potentially lose everything in a divorce settlement. If he has children, he"s risking putting a strain on his relationship with them just to spend time with you. He knows what he"s doing. If he"s found out, he"ll be judged by everyone around him and may even lose friends or face the disappointment of his family. However, it"s worth it to him. Why? Because you"re worth it to him. He cares for you more than he"s ever cared about anyone, in a way that he can"t even describe. Therefore, he"d do anything to have you in his life. Unlike other guys you"ve dated who have been more "talk" and not enough action, he"s the real deal. He knows the consequences he would face if someone even saw you two together, yet he does it anyway.
6 You Get To Experiment
If your relationship is strictly based on what goes on in the bedroom, you get to experiment in ways you might not be able to if you were in a comfortable, committed relationship with him. Often times, when someone becomes a "bed buddy," rather than a boyfriend or even a partner, you feel more open to do things in bed you wouldn"t normally do. In a way, you"re living out some fantasy in your mind every time you"re with him. What"s better? If you do something that"s perhaps a bit embarrassing or "unlike" you, it doesn"t matter. Because he doesn"t know you as anything more than the woman he"s insanely physically attracted to, he"s not going to judge you. On top of that, you don"t have to lay in bed with him afterward basking in your embarrassment. Instead, you just get on with your life and see him again the next time you"re feeling in the mood.
If you"re completely fine being the other woman in the relationship and aren"t tied to this man as if he"s your only option, there"s no pressure for you two to talk about the future. That"s why being the other woman is actually easier for women who are extremely hesitant to commit to someone and fear being trapped in a relationship for the rest of their lives. Why? First of all, if he"s with someone else, there"s a high probability that there"s very little in store for the two of you in the future. Second of all, you don"t owe him anything, therefore, you don"t have to make any false promises to him that you don"t even believe yourself and you don"t have to pretend to be some sort of woman you"re never going to be. You have the freedom to just live your life day by day without being required to make any serious plans.
4 It"s Romantic
We know what you"re thinking: Sure, being the other woman can be romantic, but wouldn"t it be better if you were the main woman or the only woman? In some cases, yes. However, that strictly depends on the type of person you are and what makes you happy. If you"re someone who gets bored easily, you know that being the other woman will never get old. There will always be a chance that you"ll never see him again, therefore, you enjoy all the limited time you have with him, no matter what you"re doing. Second of all, it"s always highly emotional with you two. You love him even though you shouldn"t and he loves you even though he shouldn"t. You sneak around with each other and share a bond that only the two of you can comprehend. It"s different from every other relationship you"ve ever been in and always intriguing.
From the very beginning, you knew that he was in another relationship. He has a woman in his life besides you that he"s spending half of his time with. Therefore, it would be insane for him to ask anything of you. You don"t have to answer when he calls. You don"t have to hang out with him when you don"t want to. You don"t have to share half of the money you make with him. You don"t have to ask his opinions or take in his needs when you make decisions. You don"t have to keep or even make any promises to him. You don"t have to "feel guilty" if you disappoint him or feel badly about yourself if you "come up short." With him, there"s no such thing as conditions. There"s no secret rulebook for your affair or unwritten guidelines you"re required to follow. Sure, you"re in a relationship, but both of you are still individuals.
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2 No One Has To Know About Him
If you were in a relationship with someone who became your boyfriend or your partner, you"d feel pressure to introduce him to both your family and your friends. You may get anxiety about your mother not liking him or your father disapproving of him or about your friends not instantly taking a liking to him. With your secret lover, though, no one has to know about him. You know he"s never going to ask you if he can meet your parents or attend your nephew"s graduation. He"s not going to feel "entitled" to becoming a part of your friendship circle or attending all of your work events. Instead, he"s only going to want to spend time with you and you alone. When you"re the other woman, you never have to explain to anyone the ins and outs of your relationship. You get to keep your romantic life completely separate from your personal and professional life.
Just as no one has to know about him, no one has to know about you. You don"t have to attend awkward Christmas parties at his parent"s house and wonder if his mother likes you or not. You don"t have to go to his third cousin"s wedding and meet his estranged family members. You don"t have to get dressed up for his fancy work events and pretend to enjoy the boring conversation of his uptight colleagues. You don"t have to waste your Sundays getting drunk with his college friends at a dingy sports bar just so you can win their approval. As we stated earlier, the only two people that play a part in your guy"s relationship is you and him. There"s no pressure from outside parties or other people"s opinions. All you have to deal with is what he thinks of you. After all, that"s what should really matter in relationships anyway. Right?